So, if I understand you correctly, you have a pretty solid intellectual grasp on it all, just lack that, "Ah, yes, that's how it is," certainty or clear, indisputable obviousness of the brute fact.
AFAICT, probably the single most important thing I've done was to put my life in order. Not that I became some "illustrious citizen," but I got space and time to tackle my past and come to terms with all grudges I harbored, shame I carried with me, remorse and guilt I still held, fears I projected on future, etc. And that, in turn, allowed me to really investigate my mind in the present moment. Just observe it as it is.
To be honest, after I deliberately decided to stop generating further major fuck ups that would needlessly complicate things for me, it took me almost two decades to actually sit down, tell the world to shut up, and actually do that DIY therapy on myself. Then it was very quick -- cleaning my "emotional" baggage" and "coming to the edge of the cliff" took me roughly a month, and the actual realization occurred within a week or so.
Just as a side note -- until I got that "Oh, shit! Lol." moment, all that enlightenment talk, lifetimes to reach it, and similar was either complete rubbish or totally incomprehensible to me. I didn't even aim for that -- I tried to reach "other world". Lol. But the first thing I noticed after the fact, was that I suddenly understood what those folks are actually talking about. Oh, and I also stopped to suffer. In fact, I didn't suffer ever since. Not that I didn't perceive pain, but still. Well, nothing changed, but it made a whole world of difference.
I guess, it all has to do with what is traditionally depicted in those Zen stories where a master seemingly bullies his apprentices to force them to come to terms with their triggers, and when they are ready some random event pushes them over the edge. In this day and age, people are spontaneously waking up left and right, and not all dirt gets processed beforehand. But self-realization leaves the gates of unconscious wide open, so one is then forced to clean up their mess whether they like it or not. So basically, who didn't deliberately "discipline" themselves before realization is after the fact forced to do so and claim responsibility because the self-knowledge leaves no wiggle room in this regard.
Hence, the greatest irony is that these things have *everything* to do with life and its demands. That's why I really like the term "self-realization" -- it denotes equally the knowledge part as well as the manifestation part.
