As I’ve said many times before — the problem is that God is neither what all believers imagine nor it’s non-existent as atheists propose. Furthermore, God is knowable, thus agnosticism is based upon false assumption, too. But. Even people who “met God” merely believe (for whatever reason) that what they met is/was God. It’s, too, a pareidolia. After all, it’s the way people become “true” believers.

If you really want to know the “real deal” you will have to see and accept that there is really no fundamental difference “between a human being and a lump of coal” and also that “human identity and personality are illusions, mere side effects of the firing of neurons” (this is btw. Buddhism and Hinduism 101, though stated in a more elaborate way, and, mind you, also Judaism declares that “the world is a lie”).

As for consciousness, for all I care, it may turn out to be an emergent property, too (I’m pretty much undecided on that one), but the only thing it changes is the knowledge of actual mechanisms, not the underlying reality. To me it’s essentially a moot point.

And just for the record — I’m not trying to gaslight you; all I’m saying is that you didn’t reach the end of the “search” and that that search has a clearly defined end, reachable during one’s life.